ALL MY SINGLE LADIES

I’ve realised that I am in a funny age group now. All around me there are women determined to find their one true love, marry them and have children before they hit thirty. Tick all the boxes, so to speak. Their insecurities are slowly poking through, insecurities they shouldn’t have, and they need to read this.

You need to learn to love yourself. 

Then, when you least expect it, that is when your knight in shining armour will come and sweep you off your feet.

The posts on Instagram #singlelife #wegotthis are all very well and good, but between that and the image of you done up to the nines with cleavage for Africa, even a stranger can see that you are lonely. Anyone who knows you understands how much you want a partner who thinks you are the world, but matching every man and his friends on Tinder and taking them all for a “walk in the park” is not the way to find love. Why is it that every man is going to be different? You see it time and time again how males work when you act in a way that shows little self-worth for yourself, they see you working your way through the crowd, show you a little attention, you take the bait and next you’ve just written another name in your little black book. It’s not open season, honey, and the hunt is tiring.

What is it about this day and age that requires the love of a man for a woman to be happy with herself? Why is it that women seek the approval of males around them? Confidence shines, girlfriend. You have a job, a family that loves you, a group of friends, plans for the future. Be proud of yourself and project that out to the world. That type of love is oh so infectious.

You don’t need a man to feel loved.

Look after you. Pamper yourself. Pop on some sexy lingerie and dance in front of the mirror. Wear that matching lingerie and take yourself out for lunch, alone. Learn to enjoy your own company and use that time wisely to set yourself some goals, to think and reflect, to focus on what makes you happy. The same goes for those of you who are unhappy in your relationship. What is holding you back from enjoying your life, and living it fully? You don’t deserve to be unhappy. You are not doomed if you happen to be single for a while. The future isn’t as scary as you work it up to be. Life always has it’s funny ways of working out, and I am one to whole heartedly believe that - I bet you’ve also heard that line a few times! You girl, are a strong, independent women and you can tackle the world on your own two feet. Go out there with that beaming smile of yours and get it!

SHE'S A GOAL DIGGER

** Cue the music **

I’d be lying if I said I could count the revisions of this post on one hand, for some odd reason talking about myself just doesn’t come naturally when I put pen to paper. This whole idea of this blog came about from injury, I had A LOT of time to kill after messing myself up in a car crash and I wanted to use my experience to inspire and educate others to improve their lifestyle and maintain it. Yet, it’s only now that I have found the drive to write consistently.

Not wanting to bore you with the long story, I sat on this post for a long time. It wasn’t until Sunday that I got some inspiration on a walk/run up to Godly Heads when Hubby to be took a photo of me – I managed to run more than 1km and I had abs. Yes, abs. I used to train twice a day and never had abs! Magic. Let's take a look at me looking tough with these babies, I'm pretty proud of what's come to the surface - it's taken a lot of mental and physical dedication.

Being body confident is such a huge thing for me. Gone are the days where breakfast consisted of chocolate milk and Kit Kat, present are the days where I just want to look fabulous over summer, be strong and feel damn good about myself. For me, before I went back to the gym I felt weak, I was weak, my booty was small and no longer toned. So, I decided to do something about it. The last five months has been only a small portion of my journey but I’ve noticed myself feeling more confident and accomplished with each goal I reach.

We all develop insecurities as we grow up. Not curvy enough, too much on the plus side, too muscly, too skinny, too hairy (amen to laser). No matter how much we know this act of body shaming needs to stop, we are so quick to tear ourselves apart right down to the smallest detail. But Why? It’s not going to make us any happier. Why is it that some of us need to wait until we hit rock bottom before we start to look after our bodies? It’s only going to add to the frustration when your milestones aren’t reached. Why not start now, pace yourself and ease into it?

We need to love ourselves, and part of that love needs to involve accepting our insecurities.  I’ve got broad shoulders and massive traps, in fact my nickname is “traps” but hey – I can’t do anything about that so why bother worrying? Focus on what you love about yourself, improve weaknesses where and if you can, and give yourself the confidence you deserve.

Back to those goals. I always had aspirations to compete in an Olympic Weightlifting competition, and a close friend of mine had recently made the transition from CrossFit to Weightlifting. I quickly followed her to Surge Performance and started training based solely around this – Goal one, complete. Within months, I competed in my first lifting competition – Goal two, check. And after a few more competitions goals three and four were achieved – I can now say I am just as strong as I was prior to my break, and I am five weeks away from competing in a National competition. I can’t run long distance (99% due to willpower) but, I feel strong and that’s what I wanted.

Had I not given myself small goals to accomplish, I really don’t think I would be sitting here writing this today. I made sure these goals were both achievable and measurable, and although I had a rough idea around timings, I didn’t set a timeframe around hitting them. The next goal was always in mind to keep me going. Looking back on previous months, weeks or even days is so important when it comes to reaching your goals and is something I constantly reflect on. Heck, five months ago I was struggling to lift a bar over my head, now I’m lifting a whole ME!

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to start. Just like me, just like the person you idolize most in this world. What’s holding you back? Why would you wait until six months before your wedding to start “shredding” – wouldn’t you be happier if you started now? We both know that your body will certainly feel better! And what about those aspirations you have? Aside from maybe money, what’s stopping you going out and making it happen? Start planning, start networking and talking to people about your ideas – you never know what will come out of a simple conversation.

Well, that's me, so... What are you going to do?

A LITTLE REFLECTION

Some days call for a little more reflection than others, and for me, today is one of those days. Those of you who have been following me for a while now will recall that a year ago we had a house fire that forced us out of our home for what was to be the next six months.

Now, we all know that things are never done by halves in my life, and on the same night our Labrador Ella gave birth to nine beautiful pups, about a week earlier than expected due to the stress of the evening. Today is their birthday, and I have been sent some sweet messages and images from their owners that absolutely made my day. Here's Cooper with his birthday cake!

I know I won't be the only one out there that feels like they haven't been able to hit the pause button all year, but I want to encourage you to grab a bath, a glass of wine and some music and take some time to reflect on what you have a achieved this year - you'll be so, so surprised!

THE WEDDING GUEST LIST "HOW TO" THAT WILL KEEP YOUR SANITY IN CHECK

IMAGE COURTESY OF STYLE ME PRETTY

The Wedding Guest List. It's been a big topic of conversation in our household, and is still on going! To help make your lives easier, here's a few questions we have asked ourselves about who to invite to our big day. I’ll kick us off with one we got from close friends of ours:

• Would you go to dinner with them, and I mean just them? This one helped us cull A LOT of people
• Will you be friends with them in 10 years?
• Do you see them regularly outside of work, gym, any activities?
• And, most importantly are they absolutely over the moon for you two to get married?

Then there’s the controversial additions:

Plus ones

The on again off again partner, the friend of the friend who will know nobody else at your wedding, the ex of another guest who always makes a scene. You don’t need to feel compelled to hand out a plus one to everybody. If it’s going to keep the peace, maybe consider inviting the partner to the reception, or even just for a boogie and a drink later on in the night.

The Longest Standing Friends

You’ve had them as long as you can remember, but these days it’s a rarity to see them. If your relationship has been drifting apart for years, don’t feel the urge to invite them – the likelihood is that they probably aren’t expecting an invitation to come their way. If you really feel the need to include them, consider an invite to your hens or stag party instead.

Your Parents Friends

Their kids went to school with your other siblings, or they’re part of a group your parents belong to. Either way, your parents are adamant they want their attendance. No matter who they are, if you never see them don’t feel pressured to invite them – unless of course your parents are paying for the wedding, then you’re on your own girlfriend.

Children

It’s your big day, so if that means you want an adults only ceremony, go ahead cut the children out of the picture. Do be sure to clearly state this on the invite, so it’s out in the open and people can make alternate arrangements. And besides, who wouldn’t be thankful for a night off from their kids!?

You were invited to their Wedding

Now, usually it would go without saying that you reciprocate the gesture, however if your friendship has significantly faded since their wedding, or you are limited by numbers, don’t feel pressured to add them to your guest list.

When I hold events, I typically invite everyone I can think of, and I’m careful not to exclude anyone – cause nobody likes to feel left out, right!? But, the buck stops here for your wedding day! If you’re unsure about someone, or if anyone is less than 110% happy for you, don't feel pressured to invite them – it’s a privilege to be on a wedding guest list, and people understand that there after often limitations around budgets and venue capacity. Don’t be afraid to be brutal, it's YOUR day. End. Of. Story.